


Ringtone Jamboree

by Azrael



Series: Ringtone Jamboree [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-08
Updated: 2011-10-08
Packaged: 2017-10-24 09:55:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/262157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azrael/pseuds/Azrael
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny has a lot of ringtones.  Steve wants to know them.  All of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ringtone Jamboree

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbetad because at the time of this posting my go to beta extraordinaire, Anyanka, is on a plane to Hawaii. Everyone please join me in a jealous sulk.

_You spin me right round, baby, right round, like a record baby, right round, round, round—_

Danny picks up his phone and jabs the ignore icon viciously, smirks at the newly silent electronic menace, drops it in the center cup holder, and sits back in the passenger seat with a definite air of satisfaction.

Steve watches this drama unfold from the driver’s seat where he divides his attention between Danny’s little performance and the road. Alright, mostly on Danny, but come on, he grew up here. He knows the roads of Oahu like they’re imprinted on his retinas. Does he really need to look where he’s going at all times? No he does not-whoops!

Okay, so maybe he should keep an eye out for marauding ice cream trucks.

But anyway, back to Danny’s phone opera.

Danny has his elbow propped on the window of his door and his head resting on his hand. He’s watching the traffic and the scenery go by with what looks to be mild boredom. Steve’s going to have to ask.

“Who was that?”

Danny lifts his head and turns with a look of surprise on his face.

“What, on my phone?”

Steve grits his teeth because Danny always has to turn a simple question into a ten minute conversation before he finally gets around to answering.

“Yes on the phone. I don’t recognize the ringtone. Who was it?”

Danny huffs and his lips twist into a bitter smile.

“That would be Rachel’s new ringtone. I thought it was apt what with her jerking me around like a puppet on a string.”

And ouch, Steve is not going to touch that with an M82A1 heavy sniper rifle. He casts about for a topic shift that will keep Danny from getting that broody sulk thing he has going lately.

“So what, you change your ringtones to fit the circumstances of your contacts list? Is it like a mood ring?”

Okay, so not Steve’s best effort, but Danny is turning to look at him fully and his jaw is dropped in disbelief and he looks about .03 seconds from a blistering rant. Crisis averted.

“The circumstances of my contact list?! Did you just ask me to explain to you my ringtone selections for everyone I know?!?!”

That wasn’t what Steve had meant to ask, but now that Danny has mentioned it….

“Yeah.”

Danny is reduced to sputtering indignation in the passenger seat. His face turns red, his eyes blaze, and even his _hair_ is quivering in outrage. Danny’s hands are making spastic aborted movements as his brain overloads on all the righteous sarcasm he wants to spew Steve’s way. Over his shoulder and through the window, Steve could see a middle aged woman driving a minivan squinting at Danny’s flailing form in concern.

Steve is probably going to hell for the huge grin and quiet snicker he can’t seem to keep in. Oh well, add it to the list.

“You—what do you—how are you even functional at all?! Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, you just can’t help yourself can you?”

Steve’s brain skips a little with the image of his grandmother’s gold crucifix necklace bouncing up and down on a miniature pogo stick, but he quickly gets his head back in the game. What had started out as a tactic to get Danny’s mind off of the crash and burn with Rachel has turned into genuine curiosity.

And Danny’s right; Steve probably is a little damaged, ‘cause for him, curiosity turns into obsession pretty much instantaneously. Especially when it comes to Danny and the bits of his life he tries, mostly unsuccessfully, to hide from Steve. It’s a good thing Steve is the one with the classified file and not Danny. If Steve knew there were huge swaths of Danny’s life he wasn’t allowed to know about without committing treason he’d probably have been hanged the first day they met.

“What’s the big deal? Why can’t I know your ringtones? It’s not like I can’t hear your phone when it rings anyway. You really think you can keep them a secret?”

Danny glares at him.

“Maybe I’ll just put it on vibrate, huh, genius?”

Steve smirks.

“Nah. You’d never hear it over the sound of your own bitching.”

“Oh, nice! See if I tell you now you jerk!”

Steve pulls his face back into less gleeful lines and tries to look harmless and contrite. He can’t tell if Danny’s just blowing off steam or if this is going to be a really good opportunity for endless mocking. He certainly hopes it’s the latter. Danny mocks him all the time with what looks like no effort. Steve is due a break.

“Come on Danno. Okay, we’ll do an easy one. What’s Grace’s song?”

Danny’s lips curve in a smile and Steve can tell he’s won, he’s going to get answers now. Any mention of Grace softens Danny up like butter in the sun. Steve probably plays this card more than he should if he wants it to remain effective.

“Brown Eyed Girl.”

And okay, that’s sweet and Steve might melt around the edges of his heart just a little bit because, yeah, that’s perfect for Grace. But that’s not mockable, so Steve digs a little deeper.

“So if Grace is your brown eyed girl, what’s Kono?”

Danny does a cute little head duck.

“Uh. Ballroom Blitz.”

Steve laughs outright because that’s pretty awesome, he has to admit. It fits Kono perfectly.

“Please tell me she doesn’t know so I can tell her.”

Danny slants him a look.

“Sorry, Benedict Arnold, she knows and she thinks it’s great of course. Although she made me find the version Tia Carrera sang in Wayne’s World and use that. She said something about wanting a badass chick singing a badass song.”

Steve nods because, well, duh.

“So then what’s Chin?”

“I Fought the Law.”

“Pretty good. Do you have one for Toast?”

“Smoke Two Joints.”

“Nice. Kamekona?”

“Cheeseburger in Paradise.”

Steve has to take a minute to get his laughter under control for that one. Danny is grinning at him from the passenger seat, all signs of lingering stress at the mention of Rachel are gone. He looks open and happy. Steve likes it so he keeps going.

“No way you can top that. What about Max?”

Danny smirks triumphantly.

“Rock Me Amadeus.”

The car swerves ever so slightly as Steve nearly doubles over in his seat. God Danny’s slick.

Danny slides him a sly smile.

“Wanna know what I have for Governor Denning?”

Steve can’t wait to hear this so he nods cheerfully. Danny pauses and holds up his index finger then points it at Steve for effect.

“The Devil Went Down to Georgia.”

That one is just beautiful, Steve has no words, and he just looks at Danny in awe. Danny grins like a Cheshire cat and nods like he won an argument and there’s no possible answer Steve can come up with to countermand him. It’s totally justified.

“Alright, alright. So what’s my ringtone then?”

Danny raises his eyebrow.

“Who says you have a ringtone? You never call me because _you are always there._ Why would you call when you can just drive over in the middle of the night and knock on my door like the lunatic you are?”

Steve rolls his eyes.

“Oh come on, quit exaggerating, I want to know. Kono knows her ringtone, she even got to pick the version you use. I want to know mine.”

Danny heaves a sigh like Steve is the most difficult thing he’s had to deal with in his life, ever.

“Fine, fine, you’ve got the Navy Hymn.”

Steve blinks.

“I have the what?”

Danny looks at him in surprise at his tone.

“The Navy Hymn. It’s like the Navy theme song right? And let me tell you, it’s kind of depressing actually. I would think sailors would want something that wasn’t a prayer about how close they are to dying horribly in the middle of the ocean, but whatever.”

Steve scowls at the road ahead and jerks the wheel to the left to squeak between a beat up pickup truck and a tennis ball green VW bug. What the hell?!

“Danny, that’s so lame! Why do I get the Navy Hymn and everyone else gets really clever, awesome ringtones? You couldn’t think of anything better for me?”

Danny’s eyebrows rise up to his hairline.

“Are you kidding me? I thought you’d be pleased being the all gung-ho, Navy kicks ass, super-SEAL that you are. Also, it’s a ringtone! You never even have to hear it since you would by definition not be with me in order to need to call me on my phone!”

Steve settles into grouchy silence and Danny huffs and goes back to staring out the window.

He doesn’t understand why Danny would give him such a boring ringtone. It’s kind of insulting, like he couldn’t be bothered to really think about the best song to signal Steve’s phone calls. Considering Steve has been feeling a rising hope regarding Danny ever since he’d found out Rachel was trying to make it work with Stan, the news he has such a copout for a ringtone is sobering to say the least.

Danny sighs.

“Oh for crying out loud, quit pouting. If it makes you feel any better, Kono has you as ‘Bad to the Bone’ and Chin has you as ‘Insane in the Membrane’.”

Steve feels slightly mollified, but then, wait, what?

“Is this a thing? You all get together and choose ringtones for everybody? Why do I not know this? Why didn’t you guys tell me? What else do Kono and Chin have? What are you?”

Danny raises his hands up as if to ward off Steve’s insanity.

“Yeesh, calm down, we just happened to all be sitting around the office one day while you were off doing your Reserves requirements. It just kind of happened. We don’t have a super secret ringtone mafia that we purposely left you out of. It’s not like there’s a clubhouse with a sign saying ‘No Steves Allowed’ hanging on the door. Take it easy, God.”

Steve feels a little better and can feel his hackles start to go down a bit, but still.

“Alright, fine. So what do Kono and Chin have then?”

“Well, Chin has Kono as ‘Big Girls Don’t Cry’ and Kono has Chin as ‘A Boy Named Sue’, don’t ask me why. I get the sense it’s a family thing and I want no part of it.”

Steve nods because the Kelly-Kalakaua clan is definitely something to tread lightly around. Still, Danny hasn’t answered his question entirely.

“Okay, I buy it, but what do they have for you?”

Danny looks heavenward and purses his lips. Steve tries not to stare too hard and focuses on the road which is probably more of a giveaway than if he’d leapt across the stick shift and planted one on Danny’s mouth.

“Kono has me as ‘Sharp Dressed Man’ and for Chin I apparently merit the theme song to ‘Jersey Boys’.”

Steve chuckles because it’s pretty funny. He’ll have to corner Chin and Kono later and get them to tell him all the ringtones they have for all their mutual acquaintances.

He’s still annoyed and dispirited that Danny didn’t try harder with Steve’s ringtone. He’d thought they were heading in the same direction finally, Steve had even been planning on luring Danny to his house this weekend with promises of steak, beer, and the New Jersey Devils home opener on DVR. Steve was definitely bummed because it’s not like Danny to not make an effort for the people he cares about.

Wait a minute.

Steve had been so focused on how Danny hadn’t put any effort to distinguish him the way he had everyone else that he had missed the fact that _that is not like Danny at all._

Steve mulls that over and then, quick as lightning, he darts his hand out and snags Danny’s phone from the cupholder. He puts it in his left hand that he’s using to steer the car and digs his own phone out of his pocket. Danny’s head whips around and he makes a grab for his captive phone but Steve swerves the car to throw him back against the passenger door.

“What the hell! Have you actually lost your mind this time?! Give me my phone and stop driving like a sixteen year old on crack!”

Steve holds his phone up so he can hit his speed dial while still keeping an eye out on the traffic around them. He gets Danny’s number selected, hits send, and then waits. Danny has closed his eyes and seems to be hiding his face in the palm of one hand.

_Psycho Killer, Qu'est-ce que c'est, fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better, Run run run run run run run away_

“Ha! I knew it! No way you would give me the freaking Navy Hymn, Danno, why’d you lie?”

Danny peeks over his hand to peer at Steve and then straightens up with a line between his eyes.

“Wait, you’re not mad? I thought you’d hate it. You hate when I call you a psycho! What gives?”

Steve shrugs.

“The Navy Hymn is too obvious. If it had really been my ring tone it would have meant—Nevermind.”

Danny crosses his arms.

“Oh, no you don’t. You started this whole thing. I’ve had my comeuppance now it’s your turn. Spill.”

Steve feels a little, well, he’d say squirmy but SEALs never squirm. Danny is looking at him very intently and he knows he has to answer. He hadn’t wanted to do this this way or this soon. He isn’t ready, dammit and Steve hopes he hasn’t read this wrong or he’s going to be short a partner and in the market for a new best friend before this car ride is over.

“It would have meant you didn’t care, okay. If you hadn’t put any effort into it, it would have meant I’m not important enough for you to take the time.”

Steve can feel his shoulders try to hunch up defensively and makes the conscious effort to relax his neck muscles. He’s concentrating very hard on the road and so it surprises him a little when he feels Danny’s hand wrap around his nape.

“Oh babe, I care, and I am always going to put the effort in for you. You are important, okay, you are so important I can’t even quantify it, and I will take all the time in the world if you need me to.”

Steve risks a quick look to the side to gauge Danny’s expression and is heartened by the affectionate smile he sees there. Danny’s affection always makes his stomach feel a little warm and ripple-y. He Likes it.

“I was thinking you could come by on Saturday. I could grill and I was going to get the Devils game, I know you wanted to see it.”

Steve winces internally because that was the least smooth he’s been since about the tenth grade. Danny doesn’t seem to mind though and his hand squeezes Steve’s neck before he withdraws to his side of the car. Steve misses him already.

“Steaks and hockey? Throw in beer and you’ve got a date.”

Steve can feel his mouth split open in a delighted grin completely out of his control.

“I can do that. I can definitely get beer.”

Danny huffs a fond laugh and his eyes sparkle with humor.

“Alright, babe, it’s a date.”

Steve is definitely riding a high now, so it probably can be blamed for what he says next.

“Great. I’ll call you.”

The car swerves again as Danny punches him in the arm and Steve doesn’t even care that he’s going to have a hell of a bruise.

He has a date.


End file.
